Promoting Independent Play

Long before baby number two arrived, one thing was very clear:  Colbie loved her mama and would like me at her side at all times.  I may or may not have had anything to do in creating this in her.  Truth, Colbie has never been good at playing independently, and this never bothered me, that is until Sydney arrived and I had Colbie literally hanging on me all.the.time.  Don’t get me wrong, I adore Colbie and the fact that she needs me.  I would be sad if she didn’t want me around.  Then the other day happened and sent me over the edge.  I kid you not, I had two big, brown, beautiful eyes staring at me while she stood at my side for 45 minutes, every four hours, while I fed Small Fry.  I BEGGED her to go play on her own and listed activities, pointing out toys, but no.  She needed to be standing right there, hands on my leg.

It drove me nuts.

I felt like an awful mom.

I sent out a facebook SOS

I’m writing a blog about this and all of the ideas so I have the list permanently to look back on.  And to everyone who gave me ideas and support either through facebook, phone calls, or emails, thank you!  I would say things are SO MUCH BETTER already!!!

P.S. if you are not a mom the next section is long and you might want to skip it and head straight to the pictures.  If you ARE a mom of a needy toddler, you may want to keep reading.

So here is the list of all of the ideas I got.

• playing with something (little people sets work really well) and then after she's really into it ill sort sneak off and do what i need to do. Works sometimes.
• A. is into coloring now. I have to be in the same room with her, of course, because she does color on other things. But we got her a little easel and chair and a few coloring books and she'll stay occupied
• The blog by Janet Lansbury is helpful - she's big on helping kids play independently as it encourages creativity and such, so she posts sometimes about that. I'm trying to strike the right balance since I want to spend time with T and show interest in what he's doing but also give him independent time (for his sake, my sake and the baby's sake). I would say start small and try beginning an activity with her, then just sit there but sit back and let her do all the play while you watch (maybe chiming in on occasion with comments like "wow, that tower has seven blocks!" To show you are interested). If that goes well, then next time try moving away a couple minutes at a time but pop over to smile at her (whether she asks for you or not - you don't want her to feel like her asking or whining is the only way to get your attention), then try longer stretches. She might do ok as long as you transition slowly and show her that you're still interested in what she's doing.
• My oldest is the same. When we had #2 it did intensify. Maybe make up a "big sister box" of new items that she my play with during times you need her occupied? I also frequently set up different "stations" around the house for my oldest. If he's told to go play, he won't. But if he sees something out (play doh, large dry noodles in a Tupperware w measuring cups, stickers, blocks with a few things built) he's more likely to go play. And as much as we dislike TV/movies, for that first little while with a new baby, we did watch a lot of curious George for those times where he absolutely needed to be occupied. It was just for a short while, and it didn't ruin him:)
• We started Montessori just after bringing M. home and were amazed at the increase in independent play time! She really needed something that was special and grown up. She just goes 3 hours 4 days a week, but what a difference it has made. Make sure it is a Classical Montessori program, though as they show the best outcomes!
• Thanks for the ideas...Hillary - I am having some of the same struggles with R. Admittedly he did get a little more Mickey Mouse Clubhouse the first couple weeks. My main "go-to" is I try to just act silly when he's bored and I'm busy. Even me just being outside the box tends to entertain him for a couple minutes-- Get him to dance, chant his name in silly voices as he runs around, ask him to point to people/things around the house, or go find something (like the thing/toy is hiding from him) He's not a sit still kind of boy, so the coloring/play-dough/craft thing only gets me 10 minutes, and we all know that's often not enough. Good luck!
• Will she sit and read a book next to you? Color? E. loves peeling stickers and putting them on paper. Will she make you food in her kitchen? Maybe make her some Colored rice (the new biggest hit around here). Will she sit and feed her baby?
• R. is making a small box with new toys for H. to play with only during feedings. We pull out the iPad
• I echo what others have said -- have some toys/stations set up that she can play with independently while also being next to you. Things like puzzles, playdough, etc. Also, making her a helper might help soothe any feelings of being disconnected, so little tasks that she can do to help with Sydney (fetching a diaper, etc.) might help. Good luck! It'll work itself out.
• my first thought was "how cute " and, not that you need another post , but for natalie ( 2 1/2), i try to get her to do the activities i'm doing with her own babies.
• A. liked helping so he'd fetch diapers and help feed if we were using a bottle. Or I'd read a book while everyone balanced precariously on my lap. He was pretty decent at playing independently if he needed to, but I have friends who had special toys for when baby was eating like someone else mentioned, and that worked well.
• Do you have an iPad? There are lots of educational games for all age levels! Or, you could just pass out on the couch holding the baby and wake up to find your 2 year old standing on the counter getting hot chocolate mix down to make herself a cup. That never happened to me.  

Other ideas included:  

• Stacking blocks
• playing in the sink with water and bath toys
• Lots and lots of projects
• Something new to climb on and around to use up more energy 
• Tents
• Asking for certain food to be made in the pretend kitchen
• Play doh
• Little containers to move treasures around in.  

So here are some pictures documenting the success along with my own recommendations:  

I bought a little mailbox and stickers (both in the dollar bin at Target), let C decorate her mailbox and then each morning she gets a note about something special we will do during the day.  She loved this project and loves finding "mouse ka-tools” to put in her mailbox: 

28 cups of white rice + 14 packs of kool-aide + a little rubbing alcohol = indoor rice box (think sand box that smells like candy!)  C loves this and has spend hours playing with this new activity!

“Making bracelets” AKA threading colorful beads onto pipe cleaner.  She’s surprisingly good at this one!  

I made Colbie her own felt calendar to let her know what activities she has each day as well has to teach her days of the week.  The calendar is hung on the wall next to her own kitchen in her area.  She likes that she can move the pieces around!  Thursdays she has swimming lessons.   

There is more that hasn’t been documented on camera yet, but a good start nonetheless, and if nothing else, I am feeling much better about life these days.