Thankfulness

This is guest blogger D.B., AKA “The Husband,” AKA “Dad.” Not all of Hillary’s friends/blog followers know that I am pretty even-keeled. Really even-keeled. In fact, Hillary has gotten frustrated with me for not being more upset at some stages of this whole adoption process (especially compared to how upset I sometimes get watching Notre Dame football). Apparently, I may have taken the even-keel a bit too far recently, as some of my family accused me of being a machine or robot because I wasn’t more excited or emotional when we talked in the hospital after Colbie was born.

Well, the reason that I was so machine-like was that if I allowed some of my emotion to come out, all of it would have come out – the sadness and helplessness of dealing with infertility; the hurt of the two previous failed adoptions; the relief and joy of finally, after 3 ½ years, having a baby of our own; the immediate, immense love we felt for our new baby, whom we didn’t know for more than 5 minutes before we couldn’t bear to have her out of our sight; the tension knowing that the birthmom could change her mind and take Colbie away from us at any moment. I did tear up when they wheeled Colbie into the room for the first time, and was only able to hold back more tears by thinking about how, if Hillary saw me crying, then she would be a mess. The hospital Colbie was born in was a Catholic hospital, and on the day before we were discharged, I went down to the chapel. I couldn’t even put words to a prayer without some pretty ugly crying. And I really had to hold it together on the drive home from the hospital – that 1 ½ hour ride seemed surreal, as it probably does for all new parents.

At times over the past 2 weeks, I’ve been pretty emotional. I can’t listen to certain songs on the radio, and even considering watching the movie UP again is totally out of the question. Being a father definitely changes how I take care of patients. I thought all of the emotions were going to come out on Tuesday when we had the TPR and we found out that Colbie was ours, FOREVER. Finally, finally, Hillary and I don’t have to wait for the other shoe to drop. We can answer our phones without dreading that it will be our social worker with some bad news. We can make plans to visit family, send out birth announcements, send out Christmas cards.

As with all new parents, things were pretty busy and we didn’t have time to dwell on the significance of the TPR. We were on to soothing the crying, prepping the bottle, changing the diaper. Which is perfect.

We are so incredibly happy and thankful to be where we are today.

Happy Thanksgiving, from D.B., Hillary, Colbie, and Molly Moon